If it looks like shit then there's a pretty good chance it will taste like shit.
I dedicate this post to the fuctard who thought it was a good idea to blend 6 herbs and mineral salts to make shitty toothpaste...this is not an exaggeration my gag reflexes went into fuck mode and drove straight into anal cliff..this reaffirmed my theory that packing less shitty flavours is definitely better.
MOTHER..SUCKING..NATURE...because that's what she is right now fucking sucking the amount of her disgusting bastards I've had to kill is unbelievable...the ants are annoying but bearable ticks just don't entertain unless there's chemicals or blowtorches involved..rats now you're trying to gawd me into a ozone depleting war but cockroaches fucking cockroaches they make my skin crawl...luckily the tick sprayer also works on cockroaches so they've been turning up dead just wishes it would also disintegrate to avoid manual clearing.
Some people don't know how to let a grudge go..okay fine I suppose if someone had accidentally and I heavily stress the word accident because that's what it was purely accidental I might you know get a little psycho like this little fella...and while I'm attempting too be confessional that accident was very traumatic on me it was scary with a large country fried chicken portion off guilt..a high speed lizard bullet charging out of a dark corner what did you expect hugs and kisses I did what every irrational human being does who watches far too many horror movies throws sharp objects first then runs screaming out the room looking for more irrational beings too share in the mayhem.
Well in my defence you obviously didn't need the tail to survive since you're still living and stalking my bathroom window everynight...you look good by the way plastered to the glass channelling your inner serial killer. Sincerely your tail hacker I'm so fucking glad your small and all your friends are too.
I know I'm bigger and more deadly but what you don't realise how much I don't fucking care...if I see a spider my first instinct is to recoil in horror next is to find something hard sharp blunt hell even a gun to destroy it...plain old drop dead is not enough for a spider total nuclear destruction must be initiated fuck the planet and the kids this is a bloody spider.
Unreasonable fear is completely warranted.
Packaging should fit the product just opened up a crisp packet two thirds of which was filled with air and at the bottom was an adult sized handful of crisps crunchy spicy sticks...anything good never last long damn you..damn you all to hell.
Restaurant dinning experience is not about the atmosphere or the cuisine for me its always about the no cleaning up...very rarely I have a great dinning experience I mostly settle for not turning my stomach into the riverdance extravagancer tap dancing its way out of my arse.
So we went for chinese I've sworn off indian after the great mount vesuvius tragedy discovering I can vomit through my nose is still a painful disturbing moment...that could require therapy or copious amounts of alcohol before I attempt to enter an indian restaurant.
Well I was very hungry my mouth turned into a slip and slide it was a tasty slurp fest..even managed to throw in a sugary sticky toffee pudding with ice cream it was all perfect until I sat back then it began the rumbling slow churning of the food in my stomach like a washing machine..well long story short my arse called shotgun on the toilet the minute we pulled into the drive and I spent another night on a date with the toilet all this quality time we're spending am engagement looks promising..at least I know he can take the whole families shit.
Zombies are scary their ugly flesh eating mindless human infecting army...nothing about zombies screams cute cuddly or curable.
Vampires on the other hand are immortal soulless blood drinking creatures who only come in tall dark and brooding just looking for the right girl to stalk...we all want a vampire stalker to love except when they come in sparkling teen angst like fucking fairies then they should be eliminated.
I'm hoping for a vampire apocalypse but preparing for a zombie one unfortunately the one I think we're getting is going to be the far scarier teeny bopper apocalypse their deadly weapon will be catchy infectious music that's low on substance and high on sugary factor the end of days has begun with the Bieber virus humanity is doomed
I consider anyone who doesn't like chocolate with extreme suspicion and place them high on my terror suspect list and invading aliens posing as humans list..the latter list is mostly populated with reality tv celebrities whom I lovingly call fame wanking whores.
Been gradually topping up my sugar levels with jaffa cakes not just plain orange jaffa cakes...but strawberry flavoured jaffa cakes they also come in cherry flavour the wonders of human ingenuity..wonder how long it took them to spice up the jaffa cake did they try every flavour known to man but only strawberry and cherry were tasty enough to market...or maybe I haven't scoured the supermarket shelves properly somewhere out there..there's more flavours off jaffa cakes I just have to believe.
