Dogs Life

My Dog has a sweet life…having a dogs life is a compliment in my irrelevant opinion zero troubles aside from when your next meal is…which is every dogs top priority food and the quantity of food it will overlook the quality if starvation is the only other option I know I’ve brought home enough canned shit because the dog on the picture looked good and because the price I ignore all the other stuff like writing I’m never going to eat that jellied shit and it all looks the same shit chunks coated in jelly that smells like tuna.

Then there's the daily torturous walks (for me) or what I like to call drag racing I always feel like I’ve involuntarily participated in some survivor style manic death run and the dog is the only who can see the killer chasing us luckily he’s no longer the bubbling puppy ball of energy intent on chasing every stray leaf now he's settled into a lazy slob who spends his days impersonation a limp cucumber of course he may have finally subscribed and is channelling my lazy aura…but he’s free to come and go as he pleases because the bastards so skinny he slips under the gate and can wriggle through the bars I would you know get off my backside and escape proof the garden but then I would have go back to walking the hair ball…and he's a big boy now knows the neighbourhood doesn’t need to be lead around like a puppy and thank fuck for that.

Shitting well it doesn’t give a fuck where it shits since it won’t be cleaning up seriously my dog just gives me his two signature glares his first is the vacant I’ve ran out of giving fucks when I was born look and his second is “I speak no English so fuck you” look…I treat him like a retarded teenager who's never going to pay rent or clean after himself so yeah I don’t need kids I’m good with the one I’ve got.

Dogs life I wish I had no job no bills no one giving a fuck if I’m wasting my life away or if I’ve achieved anything as long as he can keep his shit out of my garden I consider that a giant fucking bonus.